Pointless? I think so. Thank goodness TP doesn't come with visual aids. (S&T)

This came with a crazy fancy pen gadget I got a few weeks ago. Its hard to know if the instructions were intended as a joke or not. I'll bring the pen with me to class...

The definition of stinky (Project 6)

It’s the smile on your face that throws me, at first. You look up at me, smiling almost lovingly, and I smile back, enjoying the bonding moment of happiness that we’re sharing. But then, chillingly, the edges of your smile curl down, while the rest stays up, and your happy eyes take on an edge of serious of concern. This is followed by an intense metamorphosis that takes your normal flesh-toned skin and flushes it bright red. Your hands grip tightly, and some subtle shuddering begins throughout your little body, almost like a tiny seizure. At this point, I know to reach for supplies.

As the hazy thick aroma begins to permeate the air, I wade through it to find you happily engaged in a new activity, having put the past behind you, so to speak. Extricating you from your new-found fun startles and saddens you; now you’re crying and you stink as well. I set up base camp with the hopes of containing the Hazmat area to my immediate reach, with all my items spread out like a surgeon’s tools before the operation.

Speed is the essence of a quick and successful change. I whisk off your pants before you know its happened, then I unsnap your onesy and tuck it up for safekeeping. Severe squirming on your part may cause me to escalate to a “Level 2” maneuver, whereas I straighten my legs on top of your arms and hold you down, pinning you for the duration. Not fun for either of us.

Pulling and releasing the tabs unveils your latest creation, which is normally followed by a suitable comment by me that attempts to capture its essence for those within earshot, or no one in particular. Clean-up begins. Boys are a bit more difficult, with more interesting places for their offering to get attached. I also believe that when men are performing these clean-up duties, they tend to use more supplies –I follow that guideline. On the worst days I feel I’ve used an entire box of wipes for one session.

The smarter of us will always lay out the new clean garment in its proper orientation before beginning. It allows for a quick and easy transfer from the old to the new, with minimum fuss for you and maximum efficiency for me. It’s slid under, folded up, tabs connected and pants whisked back on. Typically during this you require me to increase the distance between the old and the new, lest we both need a shower when this is done. But now your pants are back on, and you’re stood up and sent on your way, and I’m reminded of both Yankee Candles and birth control all at once.

Hey, don't you get other magazines besides Wired?

I got this from Wired. Surprise. Anyway, this post is the Show & Tell this week, which is for "Definition". Every month Wired breaks down a product and tells you all of the harmful things about it. This month it's Miracle Grow. I imagine this example would work for description, as well --maybe even more appropriately. Back to finishing this friggin iMovie.

Bazooka Jane bites the dust

See Jane chew and die.

Timeline=Chronology=Narrative

I found this in Wired magazine. One of the ways we learned to do a narrative is through chronology. A timeline is a graphical representaion of chronology, so I think its an appropriate example of narrative. The article is disputing the movie industry assumption that movies are leaked onto the internet mainly due to the DVDs produced for Oscar voting, which come out prior to the official DVD release. The timelines show examples comparing the release dates with the first known hi-res version of the movie found online.

The Missing Note

My iMovie project is called "The Missing Note" and it's the story of what happens when a note goes missing from a conductor's score during a performance. The movie starts in a performance hall, when a conductor comes out to a cheering crowd. He begins the performance, but the music stops shortly after. Confused, he looks down at the score and finds a note missing from the music that's on the stand. Furious, he sets off to locate the note. We find the note frolicing with a jazz band and generally enjoying life, when the conductor angrily grabs him and returns to the performance, where he slams himback onto the music and the performance continues to cheers. Wow, this doesn't sound that good when I write it out, but too late now. The End.

It glows. (Like plasma?)

Working on my "turning text into TV scan lines" tricks here for my big screen project. It's about a 12 step procedure that I just about have down now. It's kind of like this , but fairly modifed since I only wanted lines through the text (not the whole background), and my text is solid, not outlined (so that changes the way a few layers interact). Anywho, thought it was post-worthy. Click on the graphic to see it a bit better.